Last Time Sky Gazing

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I lay back among the dried red mud and faded green grass. Other bodies are littering the Earth along with mine. Who they are I can't remember. But my body temperature is steadily lowering. I can't bring myself to care. I have become deaf in both my ears. How that happened I don't even remember. I do know it's true because I can only pinpoint what is happening around me through vibrations that come through the ground.

I have no idea how long that's going to last since I'm starting to lose my sense of touch. Too bad my nose still works pretty well. I can smell blood, dirt, and gun smoke which smells as lovely as it sounds. I can only move my mouth a few centimeters, so speaking is out of the question. While I'm thinking about it, my mouth tastes like bad breath and blood. I think I bit my cheek. At least I hope I did.

The only peaceful thing about the chaos going on around me is the sky. It's clear, blue, and vast. It cares not that I no longer have feelings in all four of my limbs. Or who will win this conflict? The sky is just hollow and soulless. It doesn't even shed a tear for those who have fallen beneath it. I can't say I blame it. Who would cry for those that fight a battle that they themselves don't even believe in?

The sky truly is beautiful and cruel. However, it is the only company I have since all those who are around me are a bit busy at the moment. So it's just the sky, my thoughts, and I. At least until my body freezes over. That doesn't seem to be too long from now, I can barely feel my face now. Not that it matters to the sky. It's still cloudless and blue just like it was hours ago. Or I think it was hours ago I can't tell.

I wish white clouds did litter the sky. Then I could look for pictures. Alas, that is not the case. The sky is just a boring blue and thinking is becoming too hard to do. I think it is the end of me. I think I've been a decent person my whole life. I would ask the sky but I doubt the sky will respond. For what it's worth today is a nice day to...  

Teal Shoes for a Plain Jane

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I got new shoes today. They're very different from what I'm used to. All of my shoes, except for these, are plain and dull. Which goes well with my clothing. My shirts are plain, they're just a solid color without any designs. Some are long-sleeved but most are cuffed, although I do own quarter length sleeve shirt. To go along with my basic shirts are different wash jeans. Some are dark wash others are a light wash, but none have holes in them.

It has never seemed like a big deal to get clothes that stand out. Then again I do seem generic with all my simple clothes. Even my undergarments are plain and nude. I don't own a pair of crazy socks either. Every last one of them is black and doesn't show over my dull shoes. The only good thing about that is, finding socks that match is a breeze.

For some reason, I decided that I want something that stands out. It was a Wednesday and I was hanging out with my friends at the mall when I saw these shoes. The bright teal is impossible to miss even among the other vivid color shoes. I couldn't help but buy them that same day. The only problem is that I have yet to put them on.

What will happen when I do? Will I want to leave the mold that I've created for myself? Can I change it? And if I do...who will I be? Maybe I should just throw away these shoes. They have become more trouble than what they're worth. But if I do, I'll most likely get in trouble for wasting money. I can hear my dad now;

"If you're just going to throw away the money you earn from doing chores, then just give me the money back!" her father's words echo in her ears.

What am I going to do? I don't have the confidence to wear these shoes out! Plus faking it till you make it, is only good when you got the guts to back it up. So I guess I'm stuck. I don't want to return these shoes. Because I'll end up looking at them every time I pass the store I bought them in and wish I'd owned them again. I probably wouldn't feel so bad if a genie was bound to them.

But alas, as pretty as these shoes are they're not magical.  For if they were, I would wish to stop being such a plain Jane. Because the moment my wish came true I would have the confidence to wear these teal shoes. I'd stroll out in them and reinvent myself into someone who's not afraid to stand out.

I'll stop being a character in the background and be someone others would notice. Not in a way that most other people want to be noticed. I don't care about popularity. I want to be looked at and not have to remind someone what my name is. I would wish to stop being plain Jane. Too bad genies don't exist.

So here I am stuck on what I should do. I don't yet have the courage to wear these shoes. However, the thought of getting rid of them is out of the question. Maybe, since it is a school break, I can try to get a bit of confidence. It might not be enough to wear these shoes but it's a start. Hopefully, once I do gain the confidence I need, the teal shoes will fit right in with who I am. But for now, I'll set them up as a goal to strive for.