Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Deep and Submerge

If you would like to support my writing, become a patron of my Patreon.

It's weird being in this motionless situation. I'm not moving forward or backward. Nor am I raising above a height I haven't been. I also can't say that I am plummeting to my end. I am just here. Floating in an ocean of dark blue water-like existence. Even knowing that I can not bring myself to become depressed about it. Or maybe it is not my cycle of depression yet and it will be in a matter of...seconds, minutes, hours, possibly days? I can't recall when I started life like this. If I had a life before this that is. I can not say. Maybe this is all I have ever know. Not even the waning yellow and white light up above can tell me how long this life has been going on.

Not moving at all
Just being stationary
Caught
In a constant unmoving
Wave
Left without
Desire
Having no
Motivation
Just going to have to except
My situation
For I am
Submerged
In this deep
Ocean

The constant flow of my life is getting harder to break from. It is easy to stay like this. To move along as the waves of the water tell me to move. Whatever choice I may have had to escape has been lost for far too long. Maybe quietly sinking to the bottom wouldn't be so bad. But now I'm floating doesn't leave me much of a choice to move in any direction. So here I guess I'll stay. Deep in the big dark blue. 

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Cold Rain on the Window

To support my writing, become a patron of my Patreon.

Jessica looks longing outside from her second-story apartment window. She feels trapped in these rooms with dull walls and unpacked house items stuffed into ugly tan boxes.  Only half the kitchen, one-third of the bathroom, and her bed with the sheets and comforter are done. She should be happy with herself.  After all, this is officially the first day in her new apartment. But Jessica can't make herself feel excited with the heavy rain going on outside.

She thinks of her cousin Malcolm and how he always seems torn between loving the rain and being saddened by it. It's like that time he told her about his first kiss in high school, which made him come one step closer to understanding the depths of showing affection to those you like. However, two months later in another heavy rain, Malcolm was in a car crash. He ended up having a broken leg because of that incident. He was lucky that was all that happened.

With her thoughts going back to her as the subject, Jessica thinks about all the times rainy days ruined her good mood. The first thing that comes to mind is her ex-boyfriend Dominic breaking up with her. It was light rain at that time and he wanted to end their relationship at a local coffee shop. The next memory was the time Jessica got news of her friend Holly committing suicide. It was a harsh storm that day. The streets were flooded because of the rain. And finally, the last memory that comes to Jessica's mind is her grandma's funeral.

She was still in middle school when she attended her first funeral. That day didn't have heavy rain like the day Holly committed suicide, but the clouds were roaring. One look at the sky and you could see different colored lighting flashing across it. Some family members were afraid that at any moment the power would go out in the church. They were right. For fifteen minutes the church was in complete darkness. That didn't stop her family from continuing service but it made the mood of the whole ceremony more somber.

Thinking back to all these events made Jessica frustrated. How could something as natural as the rain make her feel this way? Why does she let it? But, going over these questions is too tiring right now. Her bed is set up and taking an afternoon nap will be nice. That is the best option after all the rain is still hitting heavily on the glass window.

She got up from sitting on the floor. Her legs had that sharp tingling feeling in them from sitting so long on the floor. Jessica made her way to the only bedroom in her apartment. The bold yellow bed set is a nice welcome to her poor mood. Even though she can still hear the harsh rain going on outside. It won't matter after a few minutes because she'll be fast asleep. Cold rain will not keep her from her nap. As she gets herself comfortable in her bed the noise going on outside starts to fade.

The sounds of rain hitting the earth became further away. The warmth of the apartment keeps her mind far away from her earlier depressing thoughts. Maybe in a few hours, the rain will have stopped, but for now, she sleeps. As she sleeps the rain continues to hit the glass of her apartment windows.